


How I See You

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: Details, Details (1-800-did-I-ask) [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, No Dialogue, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7699327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Alex, Hercules, John, and Lafayette see each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How Alex Sees John

John is underappreciated, Alex thinks. They love him, all of them do, but they don't tell him as much as they should. They don't tell him as much as he deserves to hear it.  
  
Alex doesn't think John is perfect. He's reckless at times and he loves too fiercely, but Alex loves it. He would take John regardless of flaws or imperfections that would try to deflect him. He would let the world burn around him, let it diminish to ash under his feet, but he would never let anything stop him from loving John.  
  
That's what loving John is. It's looking at John and knowing his flaws. It's loving him anyway.  
  
Alex loves John's smile, his laugh. Both leave him breathless, make his heart race and his blood rush in his veins. His smile is wide, mouth opened so that Alex could see heaven in the gaps between his teeth. His laugh was open, surrounds Alex and settles in his chest. Contagious, the way John laughs.  
  
The matter of John's voice is a different thing entirely. No matter how he speaks, in whispers or screams, is beautiful. His voice lilts, the southern accent that he was raised but not branded with showing through on some of his words. Alex would listen to him talk for hours if he was ever given the chance.  
  
John doesn't like how Alex sees him. Not that John doesn't like himself, that's not it, it's that he doesn't like how Alex articulates his love for John, doesn't like being put under that microscope.   
  
Alex yells about it sometimes, yells it and laughs about it because he's so happy that he does. He speaks it into his skin, smiles into the muscles of his stomach over it. John laughs, kisses Alex to shut him up. Alex loves it every time.  
  
John is beautiful.  
  
His hair curls down to his shoulders, soft and dwindling, smells like tropical fruit scented shampoo. His hair frames his face, makes him look different than when it's pulled back.  
  
John has his hair tied up most of the time, so when it's not, Alex takes the opportunity. He runs his hands through it, finds the curliest pieces and fiddles with them, draws them out until they look straight, curls them around his fingers and lets them go.  
  
The truth is, however, that Alex doesn't understand John sometimes. He's smart and he's beautiful and he's important, but he's a mystery.  
  
Alex knows this John. Knows him how he is now, how he was when they first met, but beyond that John is a question mark that Alex doesn't need to draw at the end of a sentence he'll never ask.  
  
John doesn't talk about it, his past, shies away from it when he can. He always can shy away from it, is always given the chance to escape the conversation if need be. John doesn't talk about it. Knows he doesn't have to.  
  
Alex doesn't know who John was before the age of 20. Doesn't know what he did in high school or who he knew back then. He doesn't know his siblings or the parents that he never speaks about. Alex isn't sure he wants to know, doesn't think it matters.  
  
John is different than he was six years ago. If he told stories about himself from ten years ago, it would sound like he was lying. John has grown up, he doesn't have to tell stories from before then.  
  
Alex is proud of John, of who John has become. He's confident now, settled into his own skin. He's become more of himself, evident in the way he walks and how he kisses Alex, how he speaks to him. He has purpose, a fire in him, that Alex loves, envies sometimes.  
  
Alex knows that John tries to be stronger than he already is. He hears the quiver in his voice sometimes, sees the clench of his jaw after he lets it slip. Alex never talks about it, knows John well enough to not. He wants to though, needs John to know that it's okay to fall apart around him. He needs to know that it's okay to confide in Alex what Alex confides in him.  
  
John needs to know that Alex will always be there for him, no matter how much he breaks in front of him.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha this is going to be all over the place and the chapters are going to be v v short and I'm sorry :///


	2. How Alex Sees Hercules

Hercules is careful with Alex. He treats him like he's made of glass, gentle hands and cautious movements. He treats him like he's something precious, like he'll break if he holds too tight.   
  
Alex thinks that it's his hands. He sews by hand more often than not, has to be careful or he'll mess up the stitching. Alex guesses that Hercules thinks that with them too, that he has to be precise or he'll mess something up. Alex thinks about it sometimes, doesn't like that he could be right.  
  
Even though Hercules doesn't admit it, he knows them better than anyone else. He learns them, spends hours looking at them. Alex once asked him why he did this, only to be answered by Hercules kissing him and telling Alex that he loved him. Maybe that was his answer.  
  
Alex does it too sometimes. He stares at Hercules and feels nostalgia wash over him, thinks back to when he first met him. He thinks of how the first thing Hercules felt about him was concern for the fact that he was scribbling on bar napkins.   
  
Alex supposes that Hercules has gotten used to it by now, to Alex being frantic and overworking himself. He's gotten more than used to it. Now, instead of expressing concern, Hercules forcibly pulls Alex from his work, making him relax before he starts working again. Over the years Alex has resigned to it, lets Hercules take care of him without complaint after seeing how much enjoys knowing that Alex is safe.   
  
It's not all he remembers when he looks at Hercules. Alex remembers Easter Monday, feeling the overwhelming amount of love both in himself and from Hercules. Hercules was different that day, unbridled in the love he felt for them. Before that day, that look from Hercules was followed by guilt covering his gorgeous face. Alex remembers feeling that too, the guilt of thinking he ruined his and Elizabeth's relationship.   
  
He stares at Hercules and wonders how someone as beautiful as him could ever love him. Hercules is strong, kind, loving beyond compare. How he ever looked at Alex and decided to let himself fall in love with him, he can't ever guess, but he's grateful for it nonetheless.   
  
When Alex says Hercules is beautiful, he means it. Means it more than he could ever say. He's solid, all muscles and strong hands. He smiles with his whole being, eyes crinkling at the corners. Hercules is tall, almost towering over Alex, thinks it's cute even though Alex doesn't. Alex drags his hands down his body, feeling his smooth skin under his palms. Hercules would roll his eyes, slap his hands away so he can be hypocritical and do the same thing to Alex.   
  
Hercules is quieter than the rest of them, prefers to watch them be complete idiots than participate. Alex drags him into it, loves to watch the smile on his face and how he looks at them, fond and affectionate with no room for anything else.  
  
When Hercules does speak, it feels like falling in love, makes it hard to recognize when you actually do.   
  
He'll go off in tangents about sewing, rants about pleats and knitting patterns and discolored thread. Alex doesn't understand a god damned thing about any of it, but he listens to it anyway because he loves Hercules and wants to hear him. Hercules will always apologize for it, shrug and return to whatever he's doing. Alex will try to ask questions about what he talks about, delighted by the excited answer he gets.  
  
Hercules also likes saying how much he loves them. He tells them frequently, calls it to them as he gets out of the car when they drop him off at his studio, says it when they're all almost asleep and it's the last thing he wants them to hear that night. He tells them when he doesn't have to, squeezes the words into any pause he can. Alex loves that about him, says it back to him enthusiastically whenever it happens.   
  
Hercules loves them with all his heart, Alex would be honored to return the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be the third chapter but I accidentally wrote this one first so :///


	3. How Alex Sees Lafayette

Alex has trouble finding the words to describe Lafayette.   
  
When he first met them, he was trying to hide. He was running purely on adrenaline, fear, and three cups of coffee and had no room to notice small details about Lafayette that he would come to love now. He knew that they were tall, pretty, and had an accent that made Alex's pulse pick up, but other than that, they were just the first person Alex saw.   
  
It took a caffeine crash and five hours of sleep to realize that he had just met one of the most gorgeous people of his life.   
  
He'd gone back to where Lafayette worked two days later to talk to them, played it off as if he were looking for pillows that were above his budget of roughly two dollars. Lafayette noticed, came over to talk about color schemes that Alex didn't care for. That conversation turned into another one, and soon Alex went home with Lafayette's number and a smile on his face.   
  
Alex reminisces on that day, stands by the fact that Lafayette's accent can make Alex fall apart easily. Alex loves it, loves how it's stronger when the first wake up or when they haven't spoken in a while. It's stronger when they get sick, annoys Lafayette when Alex finds it cute. It happens when they're angry too, extending to a point where they just lapse into French.   
  
Alex doesn't see Lafayette angry often, only catches glimpses of it before they let it slide past them, but when they get angry, it's there. It's in their hands, clenching into fists and unfurling. They pace when they're angry, heaving breaths in an attempt to calm down.   
  
It doesn't stop until they look at Alex. They look at him and it all melts away, becomes something trivial in their mind. Alex likes knowing that he can do that, likes knowing that he can help Lafayette when they need it.   
  
Lafayette tells Alex that they love him like they haven't ever said it before, like they're afraid of what Alex will say back. They look relieved when he responds with the same sentiment, kisses him like they're thanking him for something. Alex asks about it, never gets an answer beyond a shrug and kiss to his forehead.   
  
Lafayette looks at him like they did years ago, in the early morning when Alex would wake up to them staring at him. He doesn't want to ask about it, enjoys the mystery of that look and thinks it's better that he doesn't get an explanation. He's not even sure how Lafayette would respond if he did ask.  
  
Lafayette, unlike John and Hercules, loves hearing Alex say how attractive he finds them. Loves hearing about the feeling of their body under Alex's hands, the scratch of their facial hair on his palms when he cradles their jaw. Relishes in hearing Alex wax poetic about their smile and their eyes and their jawline. Alex could do it too, could easily start speaking about Lafayette's body and their face and everything else about them and never shut up.  
  
Beauty isn't all Lafayette is, though. They're intelligent enough to astonish people, loving enough to drown you. They're kind and compassionate, complex in an indescribable sense. Alex loved getting to know them, loves still getting to know them even after they've been together for such a long time.   
  
Alex is glad that he gets to love Lafayette for who they are. He's grateful Lafayette loves him for the same reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao do these even make sense


	4. How John Sees Lafayette

When John first met Lafayette, the first thing they said was that they were a slut for drama. It was odd but hilariously shocking, gave John a glimpse of what would be the most amazing experience of his life. An experience that's still going on every morning he wakes up in bed with them.  
  
John loves Lafayette more than he can say. He doesn't voice it enough, can never find the right words to tell them how much it affects him, how his chest physically hurts from it.   
  
John tells Lafayette he loves them to make up for not being able to explain how much, says it like an apology for not saying it more often. He whispers it in the early morning, when sunrise frames their face perfectly. He says it to them in the rare times when they're angry, when they need to hear it to anchor them. He tells them late at night with an already asleep Alexander lying between them.   
  
He means it every time, doesn't know how he couldn't. He loves the reaction he gets, the sleepy smile or the delicate press of their lips against his. He says it and sometimes they don't say it back, but they show it, prove it to him time and time again. That's enough for John.   
  
Lafayette was prepossessing, graceful in their own way. John loves expressing how much he recognizes how truly gorgeous they are, whether it be telling them or showing them. He likes the breathless laughter he gets from them when he does, as if this isn't one of John's favorite pastimes.   
  
Another thing John loves doing is burying his hands in Lafayette's hair. It's soft and curly and John would go as far as to call it therapeutic. He's enthralled by how if feels, likes how it's a habit they've all picked up. He'll card through Lafayette's hair and feel Alex's hands scratching at his scalp moments later. John loves them all more than they know.   
  
Lafayette is confident in their own skin. They walk like nothing can weigh them down, like nothing can stop them from being themselves.   
  
John wants to be on that level sometimes, decides that he's better off as thinking of himself as average. He doesn't know how Lafayette can tell when he feels like that, but they can. They kiss him a little harder those days, touch him like they're trying to assure him of something.   
  
It doesn't work every time. John finds himself waking up feeling the same more often than not. Lafayette always knows then, too. They hold him a little tighter those mornings, making sure that John knows that his love for them is reciprocated in full.  
  
John thinks Lafayette works too hard. Maybe not as frequently or intensely as their Alexander, but enough to exhaust them, to wear them out so much that they fall asleep on the couch in their work clothes. John worries about them, isn't sure if Lafayette knows that.   
  
Not sure if any of them know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these! are! so! short!


	5. How John Sees Hercules

Hercules is kind, altruistic in his love for the three of them. He cares for the three of them, never asks for anything in return. He devotes himself to them fully, never strays from it.  
  
John is amazed by how Hercules loves them. It's selfless, stretches beyond any measurable bound. He hands himself over to them, trusts them more than anything. It comforts John, knowing that Hercules has that much faith in them.  
  
John wants to be able to love Hercules back like that, so openly wholehearted. He wants to surround Hercules in whatever he has to to make Hercules believe that his love is returned to him completely. John wants to do for Hercules what Hercules does for them.  
  
The world looked different before he met Hercules. He says this sometimes, when everything is silent and they have nothing else to do but lie there. Hercules doesn't laugh or mock him, just smiles, kisses his temple. John lives for these moments, when his mind clears and he can explain how he feels easier.  
  
It's true, though. The first time John saw Hercules, everything he saw changed. It all looked brighter, vivid. John couldn't understand it. He'd stared at Hercules, thought that if he looked away that everything would become dull again.  
  
It didn't. John kept that outlook, made seeing Alex in a whole new light mind altering. It made seeing Lafayette for the first time blinding. It made falling in love with them beautiful despite how much it hurt.  
  
Hercules is stunning. He's incredibly tall with broad shoulders, nice cheekbones, and muscular everything. When he listens to people, he holds his wrist in one hand, stands with his feet apart, looks down to make eye contact with the person speaking. John adores him, wants to kiss that look off of his face despite his fondness for it.  
  
John likes to watch Hercules work, like to see Hercules dedicate himself to something almost as much as he does to them.  
  
His hands work quickly, eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinted, gently biting into his lower lip. John loves that look, the focus contained in it, like nothing could break it.  
  
John knows that isn't true. He tried it once, whispered something to him, just barely audible. Hercules' response was instant. He looked up, alarmed, all of his attention now shifted to John. John gasped, apologized for bothering him for no reason. Hercules set down what he was working on to go over and kiss John, looked at him like he was all that mattered. John wanted to cry when that happened, the blatant display of love so genuine that it crushed John in the best way possible.  
  
Hercules is underappreciated in their relationship. Maybe it's because Lafayette and Alex feel the same way John does, unable to find the right words to fit Hercules. It's a task John means to accomplish someday, to try and thank Hercules for loving them.  
  
John thinks of how he would do it. He could make it an event, gather them all around Hercules and announce it. He could say it in the silent moments that John seeks out but rarely ever gets. Maybe he'll draw the words onto Hercules' skin, read them out to him when Hercules asks what they say. He can whisper them into Hercules' ear when he's almost asleep so it's the first thing he remembers the next morning.  
  
John thinks often about how he'd do it, needs to think more about what he'd say.  
  
Needs to think more about what Hercules deserves to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like this one??


	6. How John Sees Alex

John loves Alex more than he can take.   
  
He sees Alex as someone who needs to be protected. He's gentle, vulnerable when he allows himself to be.  
  
Alex calls himself weak, John disagrees. He knows that Alex can lift him easily, brought it up to him once. Alex shook his head, told him that it was different when he did it then. He said that John needed him so he did what he had to. John kissed him for it, told him that he'll always need him. Alex smiled, wiped the tears off of his face as they came to him, buried his face in John's chest to hide.  
  
Alex is a fire, igniting without end. He burns to prove something, to prove himself. John wants him to stop, to slow down if only for a moment. He wants Alex to know that nothing will happen if he takes one second to breathe. John wants to show Alex how great he is, how much he means to the three of them. He knows Alex won't believe him.  
  
Alex is very self conscious about how he looks, hates how he's not muscly like the rest of them. John hates that Alex thinks like that. He would love nothing more than to tell Alex how beautiful he is, take him apart with it and have him believe it.  
  
John knows that Alex doesn't like when they stare at him for too long because they think they're judging him. As if they'd look at him and decide that he wasn't one of the most captivating people John has ever seen. He doesn't want them to compliment him, thinks you're lying if you do. John wants Alex to believe him, wants him to see himself as they all see him.  
  
Alex wants them to love him, gets flustered when they actually do.  
  
Alex is bewitching. John might believe that more than anything else. His hair is like silk, smooth under his fingers. It moves almost independently of itself. John loves how it feels, loves how it falls into his face that John loves so much.   
  
Alex doesn't have sharp edges or bones jutting out, he's soft. John wants to hold him, to touch every part of Alex's body that he loves. He wants to kiss every inch of Alex's skin that Alex doesn't like, to have him understand what it means. To have him understand that he's beautiful.  
  
John loves Alex. He'll say it over and over again until it's the only sentence he knows how to say. He'll say it at any volume, in any language that he can.   
  
John knows that Alex knows that he loves him, but he doesn't think he knows how much. John would travel to the ends of the world for him, just so Alex would believe he would do it. John wants Alex to know how he thinks of him.   
  
He wants Alex to believe him as much John believes in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shortest one yet???


	7. How Lafayette Sees Hercules

Lafayette wishes that they knew how much Hercules loved them, just so that they were sure that they loved him just as much. Hercules deserves to be loved like that, to have the immense amount of love he has be returned to him.   
  
Hercules sees through them, knows Lafayette better than Lafayette knows themselves. Lafayette knows this and trusts Hercules with it, trusts Hercules with their life. Hercules doesn't like that, doesn't like when they say it. He's said it before, to all three of them, but he doesn't like when it's said to him.   
  
He doesn't like the weight that comes with it. Hercules has apologized to them for it, told them that he shouldn't say it to them if he can't take having it said to him. Lafayette doesn't care though, will listen to Hercules every time he says it and won't say it back if only to make him comfortable. They hope he understands that.   
  
One time Lafayette had said it to him. They don't exactly remember how it went, what led up to them saying it, but they said it, and Hercules had heard it. He flinched like he'd been slapped, asked them to never say it again, apologized repeatedly for it. Lafayette complied, but they never stopped thinking it.   
  
Lafayette doesn't know what they did to deserve Hercules. Hercules is kind. He's handsome and smart and dedicated, both to them and his work. Hercules is the person people aspire to be in love with. Lafayette is grateful that they got that chance.   
  
Hercules doesn't tell them how he feels. He doesn't like to worry them as much as they worry him. Lafayette wants to learn what Hercules won't tell them so they can help without having to ask. They want to know how to care for Hercules as he cares for the three of them.   
  
Hercules doesn't ask for that, doesn't ask for anything other than to be loved by them and he'll love and care for them in return. Lafayette loves that, admires him for it. They think that they take him for granted sometimes, think that Hercules knows that, don't think it matters to him.  
  
They know it sounds odd when they say it, but Lafayette thinks that they get to experience Hercules in a different way than Alex and John because they're the same height as him.   
  
It's not that big of a difference, but there is one. Lafayette gets to see his smile blinding them at them full force, doesn't have to have him bend down to look him in the eyes. They don't have to stand on their tip toes to kiss him, isn't swept off of their feet when he stands up straight with their arms around his neck.   
  
Lafayette finds it amusing, likes to tease Alex and John about it every chance they get. They laugh, retort with saying how Hercules can pick them up easier. How it's more fun making out with Hercules that way. Lafayette rolls their eyes, moves to prove them wrong.   
  
They all forget what they were joking about soon after.   
  
Hercules can pick them up, but it's different. It's lower, at the base of their spine and traveling further down. Lafayette has the legs to compensate for it, evens out the balance.   
  
Hercules explains it to them one night, smiles into their bare chest. He'd just said that they were tall, that he's not used to it. Lafayette laughed, fiddled with a curl at the nape of his neck. His hands were flat against the back of their ribcage. Alex and John groaned, told them to leave the room if they were going to continue being gross.   
  
Lafayette loves Hercules, would probably do anything to let him know how much.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of the Hercules ones I'm emo


	8. How Lafayette Sees Alex

Lafayette spent a lot of time pining for Alex alone without John and Hercules to suffer with them. It allowed them to know Alex differently, to understand his mannerisms in ways that nobody else does. They don't think of that often, don't like giving themselves that much credit.  
  
Lafayette knows Alex down to the way he breathes, can count out the beat of his heart like it's their first language. They know how to fire him up, how to make him laugh with his whole body. They know what makes him angry, how to calm him down. They don't tell Alex that. They keep it secret, allowing it to be known when Alex needs it. When Alex needs them.  
  
Alex is short and Lafayette loves it. Loves his height, loves how he has to stretch to kiss them. It helps that because of Alex's height, Lafayette barely has to lean down to kiss his forehead, which they like doing more than most things.  
  
Every detail of Alex is stunning, his stomach and his legs and his shoulders. He's soft, doesn't like it. Lafayette disagrees, likes the gentle curves of his body, the feeling of his skin under their hands. They like the way his cheeks squish, tries not to do it a lot because they know Alex doesn't like how it makes him feel.  
  
Lafayette likes how his hands are, likes watching him type, seeing the ligaments in his hands move under his skin. They like holding his hand, grazing over his knuckles. Alex watches them when they do it, doesn't understand why they like doing it so much. Lafayette does, likes seeing what Alex has accomplished outside of the written evidence.  
  
Lafayette tries to explain to Alex why they love him, why they like how he looks, but he doesn't listen.  
  
Lafayette tried to show him once, kissed over his skin while they told him, got just below his sternum before Alex made them stop. They held him for hours after that, kissed his temple more times than they can remember, calmed him down in whispers. Alex held onto them like they were going to leave him, as if Lafayette would ever even think of doing that.  
  
They never spoke about it again.  
  
Lafayette loves everything about Alex, but there are some parts of him that they worry about. They worry about how he slumps when he walks, the way that you can feel the notches of his spine down his back when there is no reason to be able to. They're concerned with how much he works, how hard he works, how he moves like all he wants to do is sleep.  
  
Lafayette worries about Alex, still tries to help Alex not worry about everything. They like taking him apart, speaking to him in both French and English and having him listen to it. Alex likes hearing them either way, has told Lafayette before what their accent does to him. Lafayette laughed, found out exactly what he meant two seconds later, did something about it.  
  
Lafayette tells Alex they love him like they did the first time they ever said it to him. They tell him as much as they can, when they first wake up in the morning, when Alex is already asleep but they want to say it anyway. They mutter it in the junction of his neck and shoulder, hold his face in their hands and tell him as if they couldn't be any more genuine.  
  
They couldn't be any more genuine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter I have fully planned out???


	9. How Lafayette Sees John

Lafayette doesn't get as many moments alone with John as they'd like to, but they moments they do get, they wouldn't trade for anything.  
  
Being with John was sometimes like being on a first date, all shy smiles and covert brushes of their hands. Being with John was that down until it wasn't anymore. Until one of them crossed the distance and it was kissing that was more teeth than anything else and hands gripping each other's skin hard enough to leave marks. Being with John is the laughter afterwards, the inspection of the damage, the soft press of lips against bruised skin.  
  
John, unlike Alex, likes to pretend that he's taller than he is. He likes to pretend that he doesn't have to strain to reach the top shelves of their cabinets, climbs up on the counters to do it when he thinks that he's alone. Lafayette allows him to live in this fantasy, bends down even further to kiss him so John doesn't have to reach up that far.  
  
Hercules thinks they're being ridiculous in an endearing way, Lafayette thinks they're being cute in a brilliant way.  
  
John sometimes has a look in his eyes like he's been hurt. The first time Lafayette saw it they didn't know what to do. It was before they got together and Lafayette's only idea was to kiss him until neither of them could breathe but they knew it wouldn't work so they kept their mouth closed and off of John's body.  
  
Lafayette still doesn't know what to do then, doesn't think that John knows either. They kiss him to mean something, touch him with careful hands to make sure he knows that they're there. John kisses back like he's trying to answer a question Lafayette is not asking but wishes that they could.  
  
John wakes up the next morning with the same look almost every time it happens, and Lafayette holds him in both arms as if to protect him from the meaning of it. John doesn't talk about it, and Lafayette can't blame him.  
  
John tries to be stronger than he already is, they all know that. He tries to be stronger for Alex and he tries to be stronger because he feels he doesn't have another choice. He tries to be stronger because he aims to be stronger, doesn't care what he has to do to get there. He thinks that he's weak, doesn't care if he's already come so far from where he used to be.  
  
Lafayette sometimes thinks that John is about to break. They would never in a million years wish it, but they wait for the inevitable moment when it will happen.  
  
They wake up to see John staring up at the ceiling sometimes. His breathing is harsh, hands clenched into fists at his sides. Tears fill his eyes but he doesn't let them fall and he stays that way until he can't anymore. He rolls over to face Hercules' sleeping form like nothing had happened, curls into his side and falls back asleep.  
  
They want John to be okay just as much as they want John to tell them when he isn't.  
  
John is a masterpiece, sculpted by someone akin to a god for having such precise hands. Lafayette sometimes forgets what John looks like, thinks that they've imagined his face and his body because of how beautiful they find it. They don't say ever this out loud, could only imagine the reactions from the three of them.  
  
John is reckless, doesn't always think before he does something, doesn't always do what he thinks about. It concerns Lafayette, makes them worry if John will take it too far one day. They push it from their mind, don't like thinking about it.  
  
John is a fire burning, so much like their Alexander, so different at the same time. John burns because he wants to, burns because it's easier than sitting still and it's better than existing without recognition. It doesn't make it any easier, he still can't be extinguished by any force or person who may try.  
  
John is a lot of things. He's stunning and he's brave and he's broken. He's a tidal wave of adjectives and similes and metaphors that have no correlation with one another but can come together to depict him and Lafayette loves him for everything that he is, for every word that could be used in any language to paint a picture of John as perfect as the one Lafayette gets to wake up to every morning.  
  
Lafayette doesn't think that they matter, the words. They know that John matters and they know that they matter to John.  
  
They leave it at that, in fear of not knowing how they would voice the words if they were to choose to profess them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this doeSNT MAKE ANY SENSE


	10. How Hercules Sees Alex

Hercules sees Alex as someone who needs to be protected. Whether it be from other people or from himself, he's not sure. Alex puts himself in harms way like he is actively pursuing it, like he's a little bit too curious as to what will happen if it catches up to him. Hercules is there to make sure it never does.  
  
Hercules has been worried about Alex since the moment he first saw him. Alex never makes it easier either, always pushes himself to the exact limit that Hercules tries to keep him from. Hercules understands that he needs to do it, that if he doesn't it settles into his skin and scratches until he's so bothered by it that he can't sleep at night.  
  
Alex needs to write to be remembered and he needs to work to his limits to be able to write something worth remembering.  
  
It's not easy to take care of Alex, but Hercules loves doing it. He likes knowing that Alex is safe, like knowing that he's okay for the time being.  
  
Taking care of Alex is reassuring him that he is loved and that they're always going to be there when he takes the time to breathe. It's breathing with him, grounding him when he can't do it himself. It's being gentle with him, caring for him because he won't.  
  
Hercules studies sometimes, learns how to pick up on his movements because he's taught himself to know what they mean. He refuses to explain to him why he does this, knows Alex can't tell the difference in how Hercules treats him based on what he deducts.  
  
Hercules knows Alex. He knows that when he leans his head against the car door when they're driving to their respective workplaces that Alex barely slept that night if not at all. He knows that one of the only reason Alex likes taking baths so much is because it's the one container of water he can immerse himself in without getting scared. He knows more about Alex than he knows what to do with, but he remembers it anyway in case he has to use it someday.  
  
Hercules doesn't think about the day he met Alex that much. Every time he does he thinks of the pass Alex made at him, how if he'd only told Alex that the initial attraction was mutual, broken up with Elizabeth right then instead of dragging it out for almost a year, went after Alex after he'd done it. He could have changed how they got together, but he would've also changed everything else after that.  
  
Alex is difficult to describe. He's radiant, shining despite his dark hair and even darker eyes. Hercules loves Alex, likes sliding his too big hands down Alex's small body and falling in love with what he looks like over and over again.  
  
Alex is small, standing considerably shorter than Hercules. This makes everything he does cuter than if he was anywhere close to Hercules' height. Hercules can't get enough of it, almost died once when Alex made Hercules stand at the bottom of the staircase to their apartment building so he could stand one step up to kiss him without having to almost jump.  
  
Alex was the second person that Hercules ever fell in love with. He's the first person Hercules planned to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time for the Hercules chapters!!


	11. How Hercules Sees John

Seeing John for the first time was watching him come alive under bad lighting. It was not believing in love at first sight until he lived it. It was knowing that he had a problem because he looked at John like he looked at Alex and he didn't look at Alex the way he looked at his girlfriend.   
  
John still has that look, that glint in his eyes that never fades. It's bright and it's loving and it's so intense that it's hard for Hercules to breathe sometimes. Hercules doesn't know if John is aware of the look or not, doesn't bring it up because he'll get self conscious about it.   
  
John is self conscious, not as much as their Alexander, but enough to see himself as inferior. Hercules doesn't understand that, how someone as charming and magnificent as John could ever see himself as less than what he is.   
  
What he is, of course, is amazing. John is bright and insanely intelligent. He sleeps late and doesn't want to wake up when he should. He kisses Hercules like it's the only thing he wants to do, lets himself melt into Hercules' arms like he doesn't have anywhere else to be.   
  
Hercules loves John for all that he is, for is strengths and his flaws. He loves his body, shortest out of all of them but muscular. His hair, sleek shiny curls that are soft under Hercules' fingers. His freckles and his eyes, his smile that feels like an electric shock down his spine. It's all John, and Hercules hopes he never changes.  
  
Hercules gets to know John best when it's silent, when they're alone. It's not something that happens often, but Hercules savors it when it does.   
  
When it's silent, John says things he wouldn't. He tells Hercules about where he grew up, about his siblings and how he misses them and about his father and how he doesn't miss him. Hercules has never met the man, never wants to from what John tells him. John tells Hercules things that he doesn't tell anyone else, trusts Hercules to keep it between them. Hercules does, wouldn't ever even think of betraying John in any way.   
  
John comes to Hercules' studio sometimes, usually on weekends when he doesn't have to work but wants to. He always comes alone, sits on a couch that Hercules has and watches him in silence like Hercules is putting on a show and he's the only person in the audience. Hercules revels in the easy silence of those days. Those days are simple, neither of them asking for anything to happen then except for them to continue.   
  
Hercules knows that John feels as if he doesn't love Hercules enough, as if he owes him something for loving him. Hercules doesn't ask for that, doesn't need to. He loves John because he wants to, because it's what he chose and he loves doing it.   
  
He doesn't need to be paid for it.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like the shortest one I'm Bitter


	12. How Hercules Sees Lafayette

Lafayette is the sun, blinding and warm and dazzling. They're like a whole world in themselves, so unique that they're ethereal. Looking at them is what Hercules imagines being in space feels like, floating and never quite coming down.  
  
Lafayette tries to understand why Hercules cares so much. They never ask the question, but Hercules can see it as it forms in their eyes. Hercules doesn't answer either, lets them wonder about it when the answer is right there in front of them.   
  
Hercules likes caring for Lafayette because they deserve to be taken care of. They work too hard, loves the three of them so much that it hurts them. They worry too much and never talk about it, think about too much but never say it.   
  
Hercules sometimes worries about that, about what Lafayette doesn't say. They talk about love and they talk about work. They talk about whatever makes them happy. So they talk about Hercules and Alex and John. Hercules listens, thinks about what else they could be saying.   
  
They could be talking about how they wake up on the couch in their work clothes with no memory of falling asleep there. About whether they're actually okay or not, about what makes them feel like they're not.   
  
Hercules tells Lafayette that he loves them whenever he can. He tells them when he climbs into the backseat of their car and they immediately grab his hand. He tells them when they wake him up in the morning because it's always either them or Alex and he says it no matter what. Hercules never wants to stop saying it, never wants to say anything but that.   
  
Hercules remembers the first time he ever told Lafayette that he loved them.   
  
It was the day they graduated. Hercules had woke up that morning with his body half hanging off of their makeshift bed. Lafayette was sitting on the chair in front of their desk doing their makeup. They'd smiled, white teeth with wine colored lips and told him that he was up early. Hercules felt his heart stutter, smiled back.   
  
After they graduated, Hercules was being pulled away by his family, talking to them but not really listening to what they were saying back. He had barely seen any of his significant others all day when he spotted Lafayette walking down a corridor still in their graduation gown. He'd excused himself from his family and ran as fast as he could over to them.   
  
Lafayette asked him if he'd seen either of their boyfriends, to which Hercules replied that the last time he'd seen them had been when they woke up that morning. Lafayette nodded and Hercules said he had to go, kissed them like it was the last time he'd be able to and told them they loved them. Lafayette had smiled, lipstick the color of wine smudged above their top lip, slightly panting from how Hercules kissed them. They both were still getting used to it, and everything was still new.   
  
Hercules said goodbye roughly six more times before he actually left, wiped Lafayette's lipstick off of his lips, and ran back to his family and continued walking with them.   
  
Hercules told Lafayette that he loved them four days into their relationship. Four years later he still feels the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned to finish this today but :///


	13. How They See Them

For Alex, falling in love with Hercules, Lafayette, and John were three different things.  
  
He fell in love with Hercules first, stored it away like a box on a shelf. He realized he had a crush on John the day he met him, stored that box on the shelf next to Hercules' and didn't think about it that much because it confused him. He met Lafayette, had to wait two days before he put the box on the shelf.  
  
Then Alex pulled them all together, introduced them to each other and, all at once, the boxes spilled onto the floor and became an unorganized mess that made Alex's life a whole lot more complicated.  
  
Alex doesn't regret that day. It's what led to them falling in love with each other and to them getting engaged. It led to waking up on Saturday mornings lying in bed with the three people that Alex loves most in the world. It led to moving in together and pull out couches and macaroni and cheese filled condoms in Jefferson's desk drawers. To Alex getting glasses and to beach trips and to cheating at scrabble. It led to the best adventure of Alex's life, to the adventure he's still on.  
  
Alex knows that the three of them have taken it upon themselves to protect him. He knows he works too hard, needs to stop sometimes but doesn't like doing it, doesn't do it at all if they don't make him. Alex doesn't like sitting still, but in the silent moments when he stops working to be with them, he can live with it.  
  
Alex likes being their boyfriend, loving them and being loved back. Sometimes he doubts it, thinks that this is too good to be true, that one day he'll wake up in the bedroom he shared with his brother, that this was all one long vivid dream.  
  
Alex likes being able to come home to them, likes that he found a home in them.  
  
\---  
  
John wishes that he was a better boyfriend. He knows that they don't think he has to be, that they love him no matter what, but wishes to be anyway.  
  
Sometimes he feels as if he's watching their relationship happen around him, like he's not doing enough. Once he said this to Alex offhandedly, watched as Alex studied his face to see if he meant it or not. Then he kissed John with all he had, told him that he was enough and repeated it until John made him stop.  
  
John thinks about them, the four of them, how they've grown up together. He's so proud of them, of how far they've come from standing in the Dairy Queen the first day they met each other. They smile wider, sleep closer to one another than before. There's more shameless complements and mouths on bare skin.  
  
John is glad that he met them, isn't sure where he'd be without them. Probably in South Carolina, doing something he hates with a woman he's pretending to love to make his father proud of him. That thought, that very real possibility, makes John sick. If he'd only gone one way instead of another, if he chose to follow the rules and not take that coffee into the library, he'd be living a life he resents instead of one he would never trade for anything.  
  
John loves what he has with Alex, Lafayette, and Hercules more than anything else. Loves Alex, Lafayette, and Hercules more than anything else.  
  
He can't wait to live the rest of his life with them.  
  
\---  
  
Lafayette can compare falling in love with Hercules, Alex, and John to a hurricane. It was devastation and destruction and losing everything. It was the downpour and drowning in it and being so scared that it hurt to breathe. It was standing in the eye of it and being able to take live for a moment before it started up again. It was it finally ending, the rebuilding and repairing. It was them letting their boyfriends do that, it was helping them do the same thing for themselves.  
  
Lafayette never tells them how much falling in love with them hurt. They don't want to make it sound like they don't love them, like they don't appreciate them. They love them more than what should be humanly possible, would never say anything to make them doubt that.  
  
Lafayette is a different person because they fell in love with the three of them. They've settled down, don't talk to as many people as they used to. They don't miss that, would much rather go home to Hercules, John, and Alex than wake up somewhere that they did not go to sleep.  
  
Lafayette loves it, how disgustingly domestic their life has become.  
  
They love just being with them, being able to fall asleep with their arms wrapped around Alex's waist with their face buried in his shoulder. They like waking up to them, shaking Hercules and John awake with Alex because they'd sleep all day if they could. They like taking road trips with them and coming back to the home they made together. They like living their life with them.  
  
Falling in love with them hurt, but them loving them back is the best feeling in the world.  
  
\---  
  
Hercules dedicates himself to Alex, John, and Lafayette without effort. It's like breathing, sometimes it's easier than that.  
  
Hercules knows that they don't understand how he could take care of them how he does without asking for anything back. They think that they need to give him something back, as if he'd ever want that. Hercules loves them so openly because he spent so much time trying to act like he didn't. It's liberating, getting to love them.  
  
Hercules wants to protect them. They've lived through things that Hercules doesn't know about, that they don't tell anybody about. He sees it in their eyes, in their movements. He wants to protect them from whatever could make them feel like that again, wants to assure them that they're okay.  
  
None of them ever talk about it with each other. Hercules knows bits and pieces from what they tell him, but some things don't connect, Hercules doesn't ask them to put it together. They tell him because the weight of not saying it is too much, Hercules is more than ready to listen.  
  
Sometimes it scares him, what he would do for them. He can't tell them about it, doesn't like worrying them as much as they worry him, but he thinks about it often. He'd die for them willingly, and that terrifies him, makes him lose his breath and his palms start sweating. The first time he ever thought that he got so lightheaded that he had to lie down. Even now when he thinks about it he gets that feeling, like he's balancing on the edge of a cliff and staring down at what he's about to crash into.  
  
Hercules loves them with all his heart, plans to until it's no longer beating.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always make Hercules' parts so like emo idk why.,,,,;.,.,.,,.,


End file.
